Health Insurance for Serial Killers

Having a disability, I love dealing with insurance companies, if for nothing else, to get new comedy material.  For example, I was doing a life insurance application.  I did a telephone application (i.e. you give basic information and the company calls to ask you the health questions).  Quite frankly, I was too lazy to start writing out all the answers.  So as I am talking to the person from the insurance company, we get to the category of skeletal problems and I take a deep breath and start going into the explanation.  Here is approximately how the conversation went:

Me: I have Multiple Congenital Musculoskeletal Abnormalities.  (Now...for those who have seen me perform comedy, my standard joke is that I have Multiple Congenital Musculoskeletal Abnormalities...or as it is better known...slightly f&@$*@ up so in the back of my mind I am telling myself don't say slightly f&@$*@ up don't say slightly f&@$*@ up because realistically, insurance companies do not give life insurance to f&@$*@ up people.)

Insurance company: What does that mean?

Me: Well basically, I have an artificial leg, my hips were constructed, my....

Insurance company: Hold on.  One at a time.  (By this point, I am thinking maybe I should have written it out.)

Me: I have an artificial leg.

Insurance company: When was the last time you had symptoms?

Me: Ummm...it is an artificial leg.  It does not really come and go.


Now, let's fast forward to present day.  Recently, I got ready for winter.  I winterized my car (changing the tires), and then winterized me, buying two new canes (in winter I use two canes on the ice) with two new ice picks.  I am now ready to bring on the snow.  So I submitted the bill to be reimbursed by my health insurance for the canes.  While I doubted they would cover it, I figured I would include the cost of the ice picks, figuring it does not hurt to try.  To my surprise, they covered the ice picks, but not the canes.  They want a note from my doctor as to why I need the canes, which is not an issue, but if they are questioning the canes, what the heck do I need the ice picks for?  Did they get me confused with the serial killers health plan?